The best I can tell you is to believe what you want from here on out. Everything you heard up until this point is definitely for you to understand without any guidance but on its own merit. Many people have different ideas about what merit is but I can tell you that Merit is an island off the coast of Florida. Its located on the boring side where the line runs up along the entire piece of land creating something scientists refer to as the shore line or in short, the shore. The thing that’s hard about being in relationships is that you don’t know you can’t be in one until you’re in one. The thing about being in Florida is you don’t know you're there until you’re standing in front of a seven eleven freezer half full of rum raisin ice cream and freeze pops. It’s like being at the diner and ordering something you’re eighty seven percent allergic to. You could eat the fried steak but it could also kill you. Of course you could have an epi pen but who can afford therapy? I feel like I’m mixing up the truth with reality and we all know that that is definitely not the same thing.  It’s always better to mix  the truth with fantasy that way people can’t tell you you’re overreacting. 

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Mr. Clonger never paired Rachel and I together for a scene. Teachers always have the ability to create dissonance between budding sexuality. Three scenes with Libby and I was pretty much over high school theater. Libby had a way of playing both the protagonist and antagonist and I was usually content with being her prop. It’s really the only way to be with Libby. Class was held in the auditorium which doubled as a stomping ground for world renowned feats like the Mr. and Mrs. Rockmount pageant. The seats were burnt orange with fabricated wood trimming drowned in a massive space of chipped beige paint that looked as if it might have started as white and slowly lost its brightness at the hand of a smoker’s refuge. Rachel and I sat together only once. Teenagers  have a way of creating dissonance between budding sexuality. 

 

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I slugged around the party for a little longer, mostly to myself. The only conversation I found myself in was one about a new movie starring Brad Pitt that was so unrealistic it's probably going to bomb but my defense was that the movie had something to do with aliens and space. Molly said that I was talking about the wrong movie. Most high school parties end when the cops come but the mute vibe told me I was probably going to have to leave this party all on my own. I said bye to Alex. She didn’t hear me. I circled to the back of the house again by the pool. Rachel was still outside but now she had her shoes on and she was standing and Tanner was whispering something to her. Or maybe he was kissing her. I think she saw me. We would never talk about it. We would never talk.